Lost Conversation
by Oni No Yami Chan
Summary: A lost conversation between Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin before the events at Godric's Hollow.


"Peter?" A few knocks came to the small cottage door, and Remus Lupin pressed his nose against the glass of the tiny window, peeking inside. "Peter?" he called again, feeling his eyes sting with tears.

He hadn't heard from his friends in several months. After Harry was born James and Lily became much busier with other things. But for a few months after his birth, Remus was allowed to come and visit. He even babysat a few times, and considering Harry was quiet for him and seemed content around him, Remus thought he'd done a bang-up job with the whole sitting thing.

Better than Sirius at any rate who had a knack for making the boy cry.

But one day, all of the sudden, all communications between the Potters, Sirius, Peter and Remus suddenly came to a screeching halt. It was after the full moon, Remus remembered. He'd come back from the mountains where he was hiding to make sure he didn't bite anyone and he couldn't get a hold of any of his friends.

Owls came back with their parcels and letters still attached. Harry's birthday present hadn't even been delivered. Nothing came for him in return, either. He even tried Floo powder, but it appeared that they had either moved or their grates were blocked off. Apparating didn't seem to work, either.

Soon after Remus once again lost his job – it was hard to keep a steady one when every month he had to take off because of what he was – and was kicked out of his flat. He frantically sent letters to his friends, asking around to see if anyone knew of any job openings. He scoured Diagon Alley and other places, but there seemed to be nothing.

And now here he was, shivering with cold and hunger, pounding on the door of Peter Pettigrew's cottage. He'd finally managed to locate his old schoolmate through Hagrid, who took pity on the poor werewolf and told him where he could find Peter.

"Peter?" Remus called, forlornly, pounding once again before letting out a dry sob and sliding down to his knees on the doorstep. "Please let me in," he pleaded, brokenly. "I… I won't hurt you. It's me, it's Remus. Your friend. Please let me in…"

Remus was just about to get up and trudge away – he didn't exactly have a place to go, but a nice warm alley outside of the Leaky Cauldron sounded pretty nice – when the door was suddenly thrown open. Eyes wide, Remus looked up into the face of his friend, Peter Pettigrew, whose hair looked disheveled and robes were slightly crumpled. Perhaps he'd been napping and hadn't heard the door.

"Remus?" Peter gasped, squealing suddenly as Remus latched onto the hem of Peter's robes.

Sobbing softly, Remus tugged gently at the cloth in his hand. "P-please let me in. Please. You don't have to let me stay, I just want to talk. I want to talk to someone. Anyone. Please Peter, please," he begged, desperately.

Peter quickly gathered Remus and pulled him inside, flicking his wand to close the door behind them. Once Remus was settled on his couch with a warm drink in his hand and a tray full of sweeties and sandwiches nestled in his lap, Peter seated himself in the armchair across from his friend, looking at him sadly.

"Oh Remus," he began, gently. "What's happened to you?"

Remus held the mug in his hands, warming his fingers against the heated ceramic. "I know it isn't the first time this has happened… But I lost my job. And my flat…" He hunched his shoulders, whimpering pitifully.

Peter, taking pity on his friend, offered him a few spoonfuls of sugar, pouring them into his mug before waving for the other to continue.

"I tried everything… I send letters and tried the Floo network, even Apparating didn't work." He was shaking slightly, staring down into the tea swirling around in his mug. "I can't get a hold of James or Lily or Sirius."

Peter studied Remus' face for a few long moments. "Well… Perhaps there's a reason for that?" he asked, cocking his head to the side slightly. He looked as though he was thinking for a time, and then a sympathetic look spread across his face. "I… I think I know," he admitted, softly.

Eyes widening a little bit, Remus leaned forward in his seat. "Please, Peter," he begged. "Tell me, please, I… I need to know what I did wrong. What I said, what I did, please."

There was a long moment of silence during which Peter took a drink of his tea before he brought his eyes back up to Remus, sighing slightly. "Well… Lily and James have gone into hiding," he explained. "I don't even know where they are, Sirius is their secret-keeper."

"Hiding..?" Remus repeated, his face falling. "I know they were marked for death, but… But why wouldn't they tell me they were going?"

Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat, refusing to meet the werewolf's eyes.

"Peter…" Remus pleaded.

With a tired sigh, Peter finally met Remus' eyes, a pained expression on his face. "Because… Because they thought you were selling their secrets to You-Know-Who," he moaned out, putting his head in his hands.

A scream left Peter as Remus jumped up, knocking the tray in his lap and his mug onto the floor with a loud clatter. "No," he whispered, eyes wide and tear-filled. "No, no, no, no, no, that's not true, it isn't true, Peter you know I'm not!" he insisted, desperately.

Peter quickly pulled his wand out and cleaned the mess on the floor, setting the tray and mug on the coffee table this time. He glanced back up at Remus, sadly. "I know. I believe you, Remus. But Sirius, he… He convinced Lily and James that you were the one of us who was giving away their secrets."

Remus stood in shock, feeling his entire body go numb as Peter continued. "If… If he even knew you were here, Sirius, he'd think that you and I were working together." This statement alone practically floored Remus, and he sat back down, staring mutely at the table before him. "… So… You'll have to leave soon," Peter added, reluctantly. "I'm sorry…"

"N-no," Remus whispered, sadly, more tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "Peter, no, that… That's not…" He bit his lip, a few desperate tears sliding down his cheeks. "I lost my flat… I lost my job, Peter. I have nowhere else to go. Please, I'm your friend. Please believe me; I didn't sell Lily and James out, I wouldn't," he added, whimpering and hugging himself. "If I had I wouldn't be living on the streets, there's no way. Please Peter, you have… You have to believe me!"

The other man gave his friend a sympathetic glance, but it seemed to quickly turn cold. "I do believe you, Remus," he answered, softly. "But they don't. And I can't risk it."

Remus let out a choked sob. He'd been thinking about it for a little while, about what he was going to do. He couldn't survive another week or month on the streets. He hugged himself tighter, rocking in his seat.

"Please don't send me back there, Peter," he begged.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Peter answered, standing. "You're going to have to leave."

"D-don't send me back to them, Peter!" Remus practically shrieked. "Don't send me back there; I can't go back to that awful place!"

Peter stood staring at Remus for a long moment. "Back where, Remus?" he whispered, curiously.

"To him! To them!" Remus cried, shaking his head, hunched over in his seat. "To the wolf pack, I… I can't go back there, I won't survive!" It seemed to be his only option at this point. To go back to Fenrir Greyback and his vicious pack. Remus would be treated like scum there, worse than he was in the wizarding world. He would become their little play-thing, easy prey after the long months on the streets. No, he couldn't go back to them. He wouldn't.

Turning his eyes back up to Peter for a moment, Remus sat quivering and whimpering before he jumped back up and latched onto the other's arm, causing Peter to jerk back slightly in surprise. "Peter please, have mercy on me. It's me, it's Remus… Your friend," he whispered, pleadingly.

The look in Peter's eyes was so cold, Remus almost couldn't believe it. Tears slid down his cheeks silently and Peter gently removed Remus' arm. "I'm sorry. Please leave," Peter stated, softly.

Minutes later, Remus was back outside in the cool air. He leaned against Peter's door, quivering and staring silently at the ground before him.

Now what was he to do..?

They were dead. Lily and James were dead. Harry had been the only one to survive, and now Voldemort was gone, at least for now. Tears slid down Remus Lupin's cheeks as a few strands of his matted, shoulder-length hair whipped around his face, a couple of them getting stuck in the tear tracks.

He was standing outside Godrick's Hollow a good month after the tragedy, wondering if he should dare go inside.

Sirius… His dearest friend had betrayed them. Sold them out to Voldemort. He'd caused the death of Lily and James, almost Harry, and then he ran off and killed Peter as well, along with a street full of muggles. Remus almost couldn't believe it, but then again he recalled the night not long ago when he'd gone to see Peter, begging him to explain why Sirius, Lily and James weren't speaking with him. Sirius had tried to tell everyone that he was the spy; he'd caused Remus these long months of suffering and solitude.

And now all of Remus' closest friends were gone.

"If you'd had asked me to stay with you, Peter," Remus whispered to the house. "I would have stayed. I would have protected you from Sirius. I would have died in your stead. I would rather have died than have to live through this," he admitted, hugging himself around the stomach and hunching over slightly in the chilly wind.

But instead, now Remus Lupin had to mourn alone.


End file.
